You must be thinking “oh another one of those girls with her anxiety crap blablabla”, but I actually only discovered recently I have been suffering from anxiety. Not in extreme form, for example I don’t have a lot of anxiety attacks, which I know a lot of people suffer from.I have a ‘mild’ case of anxiety, but it is still anxiety. Something I have no clue what to do about. I already failed two exams so far, because I have blackouts during the exams. Anyway… let’s talk about it.
I chose to study Journalism, because I genuinely love writing and want to become a journalist, but it is also a way to get me out of my comfort zone. A lot of my tasks so far had to get me out of my comfort zone, for example this semester I have to write 4 articles for a news website. I cannot begin to express how much that scares me. A thousands thoughts come to mind, because what if I don’t finish on time, what if I screw up interviews, what if I’m not even a good journalist, what if I’m terrible at writing articles, what if, what if…Two stupid words that can ruin my entire day.
This semester will take so much energy out of me, because I have multiple interviews to do and if there is anything I hate, it is having to ask people things. That sounds stupid, I mean I am becoming a journalist, so I will have to do it all the time. But right now I am at school, not going to my classes, because we have a new one and it ‘drama’ and it is new and I have no idea what we are supposed to do there, but since it is unknown I decided not to go, because again, what if we have to perform, what if I have to stand in front of 30 students and perform something. Instead I am sitting in a booth, trying to come up with the courage to call a theater and ask why they decided to stop getting money from the local community. So either way, I am not making a lot of progress.
I’m proud of myself of getting to my third semester already though, but it is still a struggle I have to deal with every day. Besides failing the tests, all the other projects I have smashed. I still really enjoy studying journalism, it is okay to get me out of my comfort zone and try new things, especially for me. But it might take a little longer to get things done.
On a positive note; I have an internship in march. Only a few days, it’s a way of getting to know how things work in the actual business. For example what is it like working at a editorial office, from either newspapers or magazines. I might get an internship at a magazine, which would be a dream come true, since I would love to work at an actual magazine in the future.
Conclusion: anxiety is a bitch. But you know what they say, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. I will survive. (great now I got the song playing in my head..)